Wamp wamp wamp.
“I don’t wanna tell you”
The tears stream down your face. I guess I assumed you never felt anything. God damn assumptions. My hearts palpitations are pounding so fast they’re practically slapping me in the face. Why do I feel this way? Because I care. But the bigger question is why do you feel this way. Great. Now my eyes are welling up. I think for the first time in months I might just cry tonight. I thought I had completely rehabilitated. But my mind has set those six words on repeat, sending me Into a shocking spiral downwards. I’ve lost to many to allow this to happen again. Why won’t you tell me. I promise I won’t judge. I promise I won’t give you advice. I’ll just listen. I have to know what’s going on. My mind a magnet trying to pull with all its might what you have to say. Though maybe I don’t want to know. Maybe it’s better if I don’t. Maybe it’s something terrible. Unbearable even. I don’t want to know. Why even say anything in the first place? I don’t want to intrude by asking you, though sometimes I wish someone would dig deep enough to get what’s inside of me finally out. But go ahead and take it all in. The daily dose. Maybe your defense mechanism is what’s been poisoning you all along.
“I don’t want to tell anybody”
Holy fuck is it that bad? Wtf do I do? The last thing I can take is seeing you cry. But at the end of the day, that’s what we’re left to. Our stubborn minded selves. Our venomous tears. Our would haves and could haves.
“Maybe that’s why I’m such a bitch now”
FINALLY! Something I can work with! Even if I don’t know what happened or what’s going on in that head of yours, at least I know that there is hope. You want to express yourself but for some reason you can’t. Are you embarrassed? I promised I wouldn’t judge. You have your own life, this I know. I won’t try to manipulate you. I just need to know your alright. Now the weight of the world on my shoulders. Too much on my plate. But still I manage to scrape some off of yours and drop it onto mine. That’s what in here for. To ease the load of my loved ones. For if they aren’t ok, I guess I won’t be either. I’ve finally managed to slip out of a moderate depression, and those 6 words might just send me right back into an intoxicating relapse. My biggest fear is that I have waned too much strength to battle that beast again. I may be over analyzing the puzzle of you. But maybe if I find the pieces we won’t be so blue.
Awkwardly me
Awkwardly awkward
Awkwardly me
Walking at 4am through the treacherous streets
Equipped with mase
In hand and at ease
Awkwardly awkward
Awkwardly me
Lack of sleep
Lack of time
Nothing but madness
Madness of all kinds
Drearily drifting
Lonely, its true
Love that is lost
Dreaming of you
Awkwardly awkward
Awkwardly me
Not another to fathom
So blissfully sweet
Awkwardly awkward
Awkwardly me
A mind of mine own
Don’t worry im fine
Gone mad but still sane
A madness sublime
Awkwardly awkward
Awkwardly me.
